BY DAVID NINOMIYA
Self-esteem HAS TO MATCH. If it doesn't match, the relationship will not work. The person will high self-esteem can bring up low self-esteem people, or the low self-esteem person can bring down the high self-esteem person. But eventually, it has to come to equilibrium, and they have to match.
For guys with low-self esteem, they are either weak, self-doubting, non-committal types, or the abusive types, that get off on hurting, controlling and humiliating their girls. Girls with low self-esteem feel bad about themselves, and never feel anything they do is adequate. Guys and girls with high-self esteem are usually upbeat, confident, though too much can make a person egotistical and self-righteous.
Below are the 4 types of matches between low self-esteem or high self-esteem guys or girls:
GUY and LOW
It could either be an abusive relationship, or a lackluster relationship. For an abusive relationship, the guy controls the girl because she lets him. She feels bad about herself and the guy constantly reinforces that. Only when she on her own creates more self-esteem will she ever break free from the abuse.
If the guy has low self-esteem in the sense he feels sorry for himself, and the girl is the same, they will be very clingy to each other. It will be a relationship built on dependence, and they will isolate themselves from all those around them since they both feel they "need" each other and no one else. They both understand each other, but if this relationship should end, it will be devastating, since they have isolated themselves from all those around them. It could build into a loving relationship, and increase both of their self-esteems in the process. Or it could be a loveless marriage out of desperation that they don't feel they can get anyone better.
self-esteem GUY and HIGH self-esteem GIRL:
The guy will either be abusive, or have very little confidence and/or ambition, whereas the girl has confidence and is an upbeat person. Once the girl realizes the guy is of the low self-esteem type, she will usually leave him.
Basically, these relationships don't last long once the girl realizes the guy has low self-esteem. If he is controlling, or even abusive, she will not deal with this crap. She has the intelligence and confidence to tell the guy "no" and mean it. If the guy has low-self esteem in the sense of he feels inferior but isn't abusive, the girl will find this annoying at best, pathetic at worse. Generally, girls don't like "weak" guys, and will dump them fast unless he stops feeling sorry for himself.
HIGH self-esteem GUY and
LOW self-esteem GIRL:
This is where the guy is pretty upbeat and confident, and the girl is rather needy, or dependent on the guy.
Sometimes it seems hopeless and the guy gives up to search for another mate. Or the girl feels the guy isn't supportive enough of her needs, so she breaks up with him. Of course sometimes guys will stay with low self esteem girls, feeling like they are a father figure. Usually in cases where the guy is a lot older than the girl.
HIGH self-esteem GUY and HIGH self-esteem
Generally a good match, because both are confident and supportive and can relate. However, if both are too confident, they may feel they are too good for the other person. This could be where both their egos are in the way of a meaningful relationship, and they could have a lot of fights. It may seem abusive, but usually it's just them fighting since they are both high self-esteem and don't like backing down.
In conclusion, Basically, if it is unequal, the person who has high self-esteem will pull up the low self-esteem person, or vice versa. It has to balance though, and when they are not in balance, the relationship will fail.
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