Lines from Homicide: Life on the Street (funny-philosophical)

Crosetti: "That's the problem with this job; ain't got nothin' to do with life."

Frank: "Life would be perfect, if it was just kids and dogs."

Tim: "What do you think God might do to the man who killed Adena?"
Tucker: "I don't know."
Tim: "Well, do you think that God might ounish him for what he did to that little girl?"
Tucker: "I don't know - You'd have to ask Him."

Frank (to Tim): "Finding love is like solving the perfect crime: you look at every shred of evidence, you talk to every witness, follow up every lead, but more often than not, what wins in the end is just pure, dumb luck. And you my friend, are just not lucky."

Meldrick: "I guess we're not gonna live forever, huh?"
Tim: "Good guess."

Gee (to Pembleton): "Oh, I get it. You don't feel anything at all. You're the type of guy that two weeks from now you'll be stopped at a traffic light, and all this will hit you."

Munch: "How could anybody be too old for '101 Dalmations'? It's universal; it's like Homer: a great journey of the heart disguised as an adventure story."
Brody: "With dogs."

Lewis: "`Love' spelled backwards... is `e-vol,'"
Pembleton: "What?"
Lewis: "Yeah. E-V-O-L. `Evol.'"
Pembleton: "That's not, that's not `love' spelled backwards; that's `live' spelled backwards."
Lewis: "Cut me poetic slack, wouldya, Frank?"

Cox: Don't you even wonder why?
Munch: Why what?
Cox: Why he lied.
Munch: I'm a homicide detective. The only time I wonder why is when they tell me the truth.

Frank : Arrested once, hey, you're entitled. Arrested twice -- it's Baltimore, home of the bar brawl. But arrested three times for assault in one year -- maybe it's time for you to start admitting that you have emotional control problems.

Kellerman : You know, you're not supposed to buy champagne at the gas station.

Frank : "I'm proud of my pride."

Cox:You depress me Munch. Don't you ever think of anything positive to say?
Munch: Hey, if he's not murdered, it's not my problem.

Meldrick: New Rule. If we have a suspect in custody, itís murder. And if the suspect is unknown, itís the worst case of suicide Iíve ever seen. Huh? Thatís my new rule. I think itís going to make us all very happy.

Tim: So does the violence make them stupid or does the stupidity lead to violence?
Munch: Well, thatís chicken and egg semantics. The important point is that we win certain cases because our brains are repositories for intelligence and their brains are day-old banana pudding.

Munch: Stupid killers are a gift from God.

Meldrick: I don't know and I don't wanna know.

Mike: There's no absolutes in life; only in vodka.

Bayliss: Business or pleasure?
Frank: One doesn't carry a beeper for pleasure.
Bayliss: Hookers do.
Frank: Prostitution is a business; not pleasure.
Bayliss:Yeah, I still don't get that.

Munch: If a murder is committed in Baltimore and no homicide detective takes the call, did that homicide actually occur?

Bayliss: Give me Homicide or give me death.

Gee: What I'm saying is this isn't Italy. When in Rome, do as the Romans do. When in Baltimore, do as I tell you to.

Meldrick: Hey, if y'all think you can do better; be my guest. I ain't on this planet to make life a la carte for you.

Kay: What are you guys talking about?
Mike: Nothing.
Kay: You guys talking about sperm again?  What is y'all's fascination with sperm?
Meldrick: It's just a healthy curiousity. If it wasn't for our daddy's sperm; ain't none of us would be here.
Kay: And your mama's eggs.

Frank: What I gotta is pass this test. If I pass, I'm a Detective. If I don't, I'm office furniture.

Meldrick: Not a single murder this week. That's not the Baltimore I know and love.

Beau: Thin blue line between us and the terrorist invasion of Baltimore.

Bolander: Why is it when a guy leaves 5 drops of coffee painting the bottom of the pot, he thinks he's immune from brewing a fresh pot of coffee?
Beau: Sorry.
Bolander: I mean, everybody is lookin to duck something.
Beau: I said I was sorry.
Bolander: Why when you go in the john, there's always one piece of toilet paper stuck to the roll? Cause some guy thinks that if he technically didn't finish it, he's not responsible for replacing it?
Munch: Society is based on technicalities. It's the hallmark of late capitalism, Stanley. Figure it out.
Bolander: Same thing with milk.
Beau: Stan, I'm brewing more coffee.
Bolander: How come every time I open that refrigerator, there's one drop of milk left in the carton? So who has to go to the 7-11 and replace the carton of milk?
Munch: Me.
Bolander: That's besides the point. He's doing that on my behalf. He could be doing something else for me.

Wittness in the box: Anyone can have a baby, but you need a license to get a dog.

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